My home ,the dark courner
I sit in my courner
with dried tears down my cheeks.
I stare from the darkness
stare at the others
Those others who live in the light
They play, laugh and love
They life their life.
But I don´t belong there
I´m different and "wrong"
Once I crawled nearer
But as a finger touched it
entered the light
A person saw me
the person first smiled
and told me sweet things
It wanted something
something I had
so I gave
for I trusted
But I was a fool
The face changed
it laughed at me
and I realized
again I realized
I had been used
It had taken my treasure
and now it was lost forever
Frightened, betrayed and lost
again I crawled back
slowly into the darkness
sat in my courner
with my head in my chest
holding my feet close
I started crying
Crying the pain and feelings
and stupid´ness
that once again
I had been fooled
once again I was shown
I belonged alone in the dark.

Sometimes I feel weak
fat, stupid, boring and ugly
people hate me, dispise me
they dislike who I am
and hate being around me

while at other times
I feel thin, smart, funny and beautyfull
people like me
they like the person I am
and want to be around me
But really...
People see me as a wacky girl
I talk to much,2 fast, 2 unclear.
I say stupid things,
catch on slowly
and ain´t on the same level as they
They tease me in fun
think it´s a joke I won´t take closelly
but I do.
All those things you say
all of them are true in eyes.
I belive them and my heart
it gets another crack
which will evantually brake the whole.
But i try to stay strong
at least on the outside
while some think I´m okey
think I´m glad and happy
they don´t bother to check
don´t bother to dig deeper
for if they did
they would see the real me
see how I feel at times
but also the true me
the part that loves others
part that shows friends I care
part that shows my honesty
part that shows my feelings
part that shows how brave I can be
part that keeps all the rest

But all these parts are locked inside.
with a sign onthe door that says:
"..Lost the key.."
1984 - ...

Ljóð eftir Cilitra

The path that never ends
My home ,the dark courner
nothing lasts..